It’s gonna be an Orbeez Party tonight
Finally, a new way that you can put orbeez in your butt.
🚨 Spoiler alert 🚨 : Made with body safe materials, yes it is for human insertion.
I am obsessed with Orbeez.
If you aren’t familiar, Orbeez is a brand of biodegradable water beads. They start as tiny hard pieces of polymer and expand in water to become juicy wet squishy marbles. Water beads were originally intended to be mixed in with soil for plant care, but at some point some genius realized they make a great stim toy - they’re non-toxic, they’re interactive, they squish, they come in a variety of fun and funky colors. Orbeez are such a beloved part of the stim toy and ASMR communities that YouTube creators have filled entire swimming pools with Orbeez. The people love Orbee and I do too.
It’s been six years since my friends let me (unsuccessfully) fill a kiddie pool with Orbeez in their back yard. It turns out you need at least a hundred thousand dry Orbeez to fill a kiddie pool, not a measly ten thousand. But, the Orbeez party wasn’t a total flop - for some unexplainable reason, a friend of mine took a handful of Orbeez to the bathroom and stuck one juicy jelly bead right up her butt. She said it felt nice - I wondered if it would be crushed upon insertion, but she insisted that it popped right out after a couple of seconds.
I’m not recommending you insert raw Orbeez into your asshole - it isn’t their intended purpose and I don’t want to be responsible for any fallout. However, there is another way- the Crystal Delights Funfetti Butt Plug
I saw this beauty while scrolling through the Posmo website (a “sex toy concept store”, or, a cool guy boutique Australian sex shop). I took one look and instantly I knew - this thing is filled with Orbeez.
A visit to the manufacturer’s website confirmed my raw intuition - in the description section, the company warns consumers that they should not put the funfetti butt plug in the freezer because it’s filled with “water beads” (A.K.A. Orbeez). But temperature lovers, don’t lose hope - the company states that users can submerge the toy in cold water for a cool rush upon insertion.
The funfetti plug isn’t marketed toward Orbeez lovers (although, the Kink Informed part of me thinks about the consensual age play applications), it is marketed toward people who want an explosion of color. The orbeez themselves are rainbow colored (although, the transparent nature of the orbeez creates some visually muddy areas in the bulb area due to color mixing) and the plug is complete with an aurora borealis gem on the base. On the Crystal Delights website, they make a reference to your ass being a cake and the orbeez being the funfetti - I don’t really get why they didn’t use sprinkles instead, but I love that this object exists so I can’t complain too much.
I have unanswered questions about the Crystal Delights Funfetti Butt Plug - is it really filled with water to keep the beads hydrated? If so, do the beads shift around with movement? How thick are the glass walls? How many fast would it burst if you rolled it down a flight of stairs? Would it actually explode if you put it in the freezer?
At $40, I don’t think I’ll ever learn the answers to these questions. It’s a reasonable price for a quality plug, but it really doesn’t match my toy collection aesthetic. But if any of you get your hands on one of these Orbeez plugs, please let me know. And if you have a backyard that I can use to host an Orbeez party PLEASE let me know.